Musings of a Jake
“Chicken run sequel: chicken sprint”
When in New York (2018): “Even the seconds feel faster here”
“Without further ado = with further adon’t?”
“Singing in the shower: a soap opera”
“Is everything a joke to you?” “Everything that’s a joke is a joke to me”"
“Your voice alters like the hem of a dress, and much like a dress, you wear it only when you wish”
“Your mind - I like where it’s been. I like where it is. And I like where it’s going.”
“If you throw what keeps the doctor away at the doctor, then I’m pretty sure that would also keep the doctor away.”
“A TV show about searching people’s recycling to create useful things: BINVADERS.”
“I’m half an hour away from thirty minutes later.”
“I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” “But you said so many hello’s”
“For someone who can’t be understood, I’m over sitting still.”
“It’s like you had an argument with language itself and never forgave it.”
“I ask you “how’s everything?” And half-expect you to know”
“Punch in my number, not their face” - legal hotline
“The truth is, I’ve already let it go. I’ve tied my anguish to a kite and chose the first windy day.”
“Imagine the MOMENT an anchor is no longer DEFINED by its RELATIONSHIP with GRAVITY.”
“Written on this paper is the ink of my being”
“I’ve been eating up words like a prisoner at The Ritz.”
“Last night I dreamt I had a cold. Then I woke up. Now I’m living the dream.”
“You can read all the books in the world and be no closer to understanding yourself. Or writing your own.”
“I’d travel to lands unfamiliar to source the rarest of words; and why? so I could aptly describe you.”
“Raisin the bar - emotional undercurrants”
“There’s a new tv show about crisps... wotsit called?”
“Why did the chicken cross the road?” “Well, it can’t have been curiosity because that killed the cat”
“Is there merit in a siren, without a ship to steer?”
“Shall we go to the gym after work babe?” “But babe, we work at the gym.” “Oh yeah!”
“Salivrical. Salivrical should be a word for when your mouth is full of saliva and you feel a little overwhelmed by it all.”
“Boytality - the mentality of a boy before becoming a man.”
“Halloween park ice cream mobile parlour: ‘I-scream”, served by ice cream man in Scream mask.”
NICKELODEON
I know a guy who went through his entire childhood without watching Nickelodeon. He clearly has no rugrats.
CRUISE MUSICIAN
People don’t take me seriously when I tell them I play music on cruises... can’t they see?! I do it for ships and gigs.
DEAD FRUSTRATED
The Grim Reaper was getting frustrated. He was furiously kicking both of his sickles, which were lay down on the floor.
I ask him “what’s up?”
He replies “I want to ride my bi-sickle!”